Deciding to go to the Library today was a bit of a spontaneous decision.
I knew I had to go again before my next CBT session, as I need to get rid of those wobbly legs and understand EVERYTHING IS FINE.
And to be honest going to the Library was fine!
Glen was with me that day but I sent him to a shop whilst I went into the library on my own.
I returned my books and then spent my time browsing the shelves looking for a particular book that I was after. The problem was I couldn’t remember the author of it!
Glen later turned up whilst I was still looking and said that I should just ask the Librarian as they have a computer index and tell me in an instant if they have it or not.
I went up to the desk, waiting to be seen, feeling quite confident.
Sure enough the librarian knew which book I was on about and looked it up on the system.
Whilst I was waiting I noticed something quite odd though… The Librarian looked more anxious than me.
I could see the anxiety in her, the way she fiddled and picked. I could hear the anxiety in her voice, they way she muddled and choked on her words.
It was strange to see really, usually I’m the one all anxious.
I left the library feeling a little odd. For once I wasn’t the most anxious person in the room. I felt proud of myself but it was riddled with guilt as I felt sorry for the librarian.
It’s funny because you find yourself believing that you are the only one in the world that is anxious and panicky, that no one understands how you feel or how it affects you, but the fact is there are loads of people out there who suffer with anxiety or some other form of a mental health illness.
People just deal with it in different ways and experience it in different ways.
It took me a long time to learn that I am not alone, and seeing the librarian get anxious today just reiterated that for me.
You are never alone.