I made it!
Not a clue what I’m on about? Well, last time I posted was ‘What’s Excitement?’ because I was off on holiday abroad and I was a nervous wreck… But I’ve done it!
I’m back on English turf, I didn’t have too bad of a time and most panic-driven-importantly, some major catastrophe didn’t occur and I am still alive!
All in all I actually only had two minor panic attacks.
One when we got there and I realised I was there. (Stupid I know).
Second when we was coming home and our transfer coach to the airport was running late.
Not bad for an agoraphobic with an anxiety disorder and depression.
I did wake most mornings trembling, with chaotic thoughts and feeling “unreal” but with doubled medication and great support from Glen I did keep it under a certain degree of control.
I know I was very dependent but I didn’t think I would last the week, so I’m kinda proud of myself.
Also, I must say that being away did actually give me time to reflect on the past year too.
I suppose if you take all the normal daily routines away, banish responsibilities and have time to just laze around you do find yourself reflecting more then thinking about the now.
In fact, from it, I’ve made a decision. Two decisions actually.
I was thinking about what they said at my tribunal; about focusing on getting better and considering a career as a writer.
I’ve quit my volunteer position and also become a student!
I know quitting probably wasn’t necessary but for me it feels like the right thing to do. I devoted a lot of my time to volunteer work and I feel it’s time to cut the strings and focus fully on me.
With regards to becoming a student, it was a little strange actually… Remember the Doctor said to me that my ‘writing was fantastic and that I should take it up as a career’? Well, when I got back from holiday I received an email from Groupon advertising a diploma course in children’s literature! So I took it as a sign from the universe and enrolled!
I don’t know if I’ve made the right decisions, only time will tell but for now I think it’s a good start to the whole “focus on yourself” malarkey.