Positive(ly) Petrified

Are you ready for this?

I have some news…

I’ve been applying for jobs!

Well, so far, only two jobs but I’m still really proud of myself!

Yes, I know I’m still an agoraphobic with depression and anxiety but I thought if I could do a little part-time job, somewhere I felt okay travelling to, then surely it would help me to over come my issues more effectively…?

Like jumping into the deep end but with a life jacket, rubber ring, arm bands, goggles and a floating aid.

All this time that my benefits are ‘steady’ (touch wood, cross heart, recite prayer) then surely I should use this time to help myself, to try every option and possibility to over come my mental health problems.

I mean, if I could get a couple of hours a week; that’s some time away from the stressful situation at home, that’s an opportunity to really fight my agoraphobia, that’s a chance to meet new people, that’s a possibility to gain control of my anxiety, and that’s a way to feel more positive about myself.

Of course there is plenty of negatives I’m thinking but I’m trying to ignore them.

I’m already panicking in case I get an interview… Endless. Horrible. Possibilities.

I’m really worried about my benefits too.

I can just imagine being called in and told: “Your applying for work, therefore you should be on job seekers; classed as fit for work and looking for full-time work.”

If they do that, it’s the deep end without any safety precautions!

BUT I’m giving it a go!

All I can do is try. (And hope).

It really does feel like I’m doing something positive… but I’m positively petrified!

Deep End Drowning


2 thoughts on “Positive(ly) Petrified

  1. Good for you for setting some goals and making a plan to overcome some of your fears! I was agoraphobic for about 2 years, and exposure therapy got me to where I can go most places for at least a little while (as long as they’re non-social!). I wish you peacefulness as you go about your plans.

    • Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and thank you for your support. I just think it could help so it’s worth a try, so it’s very reassuring when you say your able to go most places now… I hope I will be able to get to that stage one day!
      Charlotte 🙂

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