How have I been?
I think that is the only word that can describe me lately.
I’m still reeling from not accepting that job.
I haven’t been offered any other interviews or opportunities since and although that was only two weeks ago, my mind has pretty much come to the conclusion I’m cursed. It’s over. One chance. Blown.
Which I suppose explains my mood.
I can’t settle because my ‘mental world’ is so unsettled.
My thoughts have become an entity of their own, a dark mass that looms over me, insulting me daily, telling me I’m nothing but a failure and picking on all my insecurities and faults.
It’s ripping me apart and I feel so disconnected from the world.
It’s like I’m drifting in and out of consciousness… Zoning out, zoning in, zoning back out.
It’s exhausting! My energy levels are down and motivation is next to none.
I’m waking in the morning and then just laying there thinking; Hmm what shall I fail at today?
Then when I eventually get up, I’m just kind of floating around like a ghost.
There’s stuff I need to do and stuff I could do but I can’t sit still long enough to attempt it.
I’m like some nut job out of a horror movie just staring out the window.
I can’t settle, I can’t concentrate and I can’t focus.