What A Whirlwind (Part 1)

WHAT. A. WHIRLWIND.

Karma cooled off!

(And I WILL NOT over think it… And how I mentioned it in my last post… And how I pleaded for it to allow me a second chance… And how I’ve now been given a second chance… And how I’m now a little freaked out about the whole weird karma magicalness-ness… NO! I WILL NOT! … Okay, so maybe a little bit then.)

ANYWAY… As I was saying, karma cooled off and it cooled off big time.

Story telling mode now beginning…


Wednesday 29th April

It was just a normal routine Wednesday. I got up and done my yoga in the morning and then spent the rest of the day trawling through various job sites. Usually I’ll only apply for a couple of jobs as I need to feel like I would be capable of doing the work and as my self-esteem sucks, I don’t think I’m capable of much.

I managed to find three jobs though; two where cleaning positions and the other was a personal shopper position in a supermarket. Now normally I wouldn’t apply for a job like the latter but the hours where unsociable and from the job description it didn’t seem too overwhelming.

So I applied for it.

It took me a while and I had to do a quiz at the end of my application but I thought nothing more of it.

Job Seeker

Thursday 30th April

My phone rang with a withheld number.

“Hello?”

“Oh hi, my name is Claire and I’m a manager at the supermarket. I got your application for the personal shopper position yesterday and I wanted to invite you in for an interview tomorrow at 4pm. Are you available?”

I swallowed – hard. “Oh. Erm yes. Okay. I mean thank you, yes.”

“Great! See you then.” She hung up.

No Caller ID

Friday 1st May

I did not sleep a wink.

Tired. Paranoid. Bad, bad, bad thoughts. Crazy head.

So, I decided to put my morning to good use and do some prep work for the interview.

You know, research the company, refresh my mind of my application, Google some interview questions and answers, that sort of thing.

I started to feel a little calmer but then I came across this: “at the supermarket interview you’ll be interviewed in a group with approximately seven other candidates and will be expected to participate in group activities, trials and shop floor practice”.

My mind started to go into a meltdown and my breath peaked as a panic attack unfurled: I thought it would be a normal one-to-one interview, I couldn’t do a group interview, I would panic!

I called my partner and explained what I had just read.

“Calm down. Your jumping to conclusions and you don’t know for sure. Call them and enquire. If they say it’s a group interview then cancel, no pressure. And if they ask why, just explain. Be honest.”

“Okay, I’ll give it a go.”

I tried to rein in my manic thoughts but I couldn’t control the self loathing and pitying. I was giving up at the first hurdle and I felt furious with myself.

I wiped my tears aside and told myself to just get on with it.

So I called the supermarket and talked to Claire the manager. She confirmed my fears and said it would indeed be a group interview.

“I’m really sorry to do this on such short notice but I’m going to have to cancel then.”

“Oh? Can I ask why?”

“I’ll be honest, I have an anxiety disorder and well…”

“Ohhh, okay, so the idea of a group interview is freaking you out a bit then?”

“Erm, well yes.”

“That’s okay, come along anyway and I’ll give you a one-to-one interview.”

“Oh. Okay. Thank you.”

“See you at four then. Bye.”

Well, I couldn’t say no to that. I dug out my rescue remedy and started taking it at steady intervals…

The Saviour

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2 thoughts on “What A Whirlwind (Part 1)

  1. I so admire your upfront honesty! I have gotten a lot better about telling people myself, that way- no surprises. Looking forward to reading how it turned out 😃

    • Thank you! For me I’ve found that it puts me more at ease. Trying to hide my anxieties and act “normal” makes me so much worse. Deep down I would also prefer that people knew why I was being a bit sketchy and shakey… It’s better then people assuming I’m a drug addict (true story)! They may not understand anxiety and it’s effects but at least it gives them a kind-of logical explanation. Hope your well 🙂 xx

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