Drunken Insults and Mini Meltdowns

If you follow me on Twitter, then your probably aware of the mini meltdown I had on Sunday night.

If not here’s some of the tweets I posted that night:

Pretty intense right?

So what was it all about? Drunken insults.

After a few too many tequila beers my partner took it upon himself to turn into Dr Jekyll / Mr Hyde.

He spent the first half of the evening telling me how wonderful I was, how brilliantly I was doing at work and how proud he was of me for everything I’ve overcome.

The second half? A totally different story.

We was in our bedroom watching a movie, lounging on the bed when he announced that he needed the toilet.

Living with my Mum, I asked him to be considerate and to try and be quiet on the way.

Apparently, this was the wrong thing to say and he just suddenly flipped.

He didn’t care if he made noise, he didn’t care if my Mum heard him! If he wanted to go to the damn toilet and if he wanted to bang on the damn walls as he went, he bloody well would!

Wow.

I tried to calm him down and asked him to lower his voice but again this was the wrong thing to do.

He said I should stop being such a wimp, that I shouldn’t give a crap either, that I was so damn stupid for being so weak! He told me to stop cowering on the bed (I wasn’t cowering – I was still in the same lounging position I had been in, before he had got up).

He told me that he knew I would be like this. Weird. He told me I was being a stupid weird mental girl. Like always.

He seemed to repeat same stuff only with more adjectives thrown in, like; paranoid, sketchy, controlling, crazy, mental, etc.

When he seemed to run out of steam I simply got out of bed, turned the TV off and then got into bed.

This was wrong though – as I was still wearing my clothes from the day (I hadn’t even realised) and so, a new string of insults started. I was told to get undressed properly and to (again) stop being so f**king stupid.

I walked out and shut myself in the spare bedroom, and cried myself to sleep.

The next morning when I awoke, I found my partner asleep on the floor next to me in the spare bedroom.

As soon as he woke up he looked at me guiltily and said sorry. He told me that he knew he must have done something seriously wrong but that he didn’t know what.

The last thing he remembered was laying down on the bed to watch a film and then the next, hunting around the house at four in the morning trying to find me.

I told him of his Dr Jekyll / Mr Hyde impression; of the insults he threw and the cruel words he used.

He apologised profusely and we both agreed that it was very out of character of him.


But.

I can’t stop thinking that this is what he truly thinks about me.

I can’t stop thinking that I, Charlotte (Surname), am everything he said.

 

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4 thoughts on “Drunken Insults and Mini Meltdowns

  1. I am so sorry to hear this.
    I know sometimes when people are drunk they say stupid nasty things they don’t really mean.
    So I wouldn’t take it to heart, but maybe just communicate with your partner and let him know how that made you feel.
    Hopefully this was just a one off thing, and it won’t happen again, but if it does I don’t think it would be good for you to have someone in your life that puts you down.
    But it was probably just a one off mistake and I am sure your partner didn’t mean those things, stay strong! xo

    • It was very out of character of him. I mean it’s not the first time he has over drank but he’s never said anything or been so nasty like that before. I just really hope it was the drink talking and not suppressed feelings – because if that’s truly how he feels about me, I don’t think I could go on. I know I have my “moments” but who doesn’t? He keeps reassuring me he loves me and he even said him self that he thinks he said those things just to be spiteful but it doesn’t stop the doubt I feel now. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment and say such lovely supporting words, they truly mean so much to me. Thank you 🙂 xx

  2. I’m so sorry about all this Charlotte, it must have been so painful and hurtful to go through!
    Every couple fights sometimes however this doesn’t seem like a fight at all – but something more. I hope you don’t have a repeat of this vile behaviour and that you can get to the bottom of it or bring it to the point where things make a bit more sense. I’m sure that his words will be echoing in your mind for a long time to come and that must be really hard to cope with. :/
    Unfortunately sometimes alcohol just has a lot to answer for. :/
    Much love to you! xxx

    • Thank you for your loving words and support Aimee. Unfortunately this isn’t the first time it’s happened, so I’m pessimistic to believe it won’t happen again. I do hope that he isn’t as cruel again though. I’m unable to let go of his words and now I find myself dissecting every loving thing he says wondering if it really is the truth… Not the greatest of timings considering we’re getting married in April. I’m so scared he’s going to break my heart. After nine years of being together though there must surely be some love or affection for me. I hope. xx

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