Me, Myself, Precautious Reassurances and I

I was thinking about the first day I went to work…

There I was in my stiff, hot, starchy uniform with;

– A vest top on underneath for security.
– A bottle of rescue remedy in my bra for emergencies.
– A bottle of water for fear I would become dehydrated.
– A pair of old shoes on for comfort.
– A packet of biscuits in my pocket for the possibility of feeling faint.
– A hair band on my wrist to ping for when my anxieties got too much.
– A locker key tied to my belt for worry it would fall from my pocket.
– And a watch for knowing when I could escape.

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What A Whirlwind (Part 3)

Tuesday 5th May

The weekend gave me time to think. And all I could think was:

A) They gave me an interview out of pity. Also because they have to appear fair to all and seen as I’m classed as disabled they kind of had to. Fair equality and all that.

B) Even if they did offer me an interview for these reasons it meant moot. Either way I was grateful for the experience. I was proud of myself for going through with it. And it proved that I’m stronger then I think.

C) Plus I was pretty sure from my bad answers, terrible honesty and general chit chat that I wasn’t going to get the job so I could forget about it all.

So, you can imagine my shock when:

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What A Whirlwind (Part 2)

Friday 1st May (Continued)

So I asked my Mum to go with me. Not to the interview, obviously! But just to accompany me so I knew she would be near by in case I needed her: part safety behaviour / part reassurance / part coping mechanism.

I got there early and scouted out the area to help calm me a little, then, when 3:45pm came, I reported to the customer service desk.

“Yeah, yeah. Please sign in and just stand over there with the rest.”

I looked to the left to discover a group of 6 nervous looking people, all wearing interview clothes.

“Erm, I’m sorry, I think you’ve made a mistake. I’m supposed to be having a one-to-one interview with Claire the manager…”

“No. I haven’t. Stand over there with them.”


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Suffocating But Breathing

Is it me or do you find that there is always that one month that is hella busier then all the rest?

You know, the one that contains all the birthdays, anniversaries, occasions, family meetings, social gatherings, general outings, etc, etc.

Well, every single year, without fail, April seems to be my chaotic month and this year has been no different.

With all the drama going on I haven’t had time to blog, so today, I’ve holed up in my study, shut the door, put my music on loud and decided to update you on everything that’s been going on.

Are you ready?

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Dissolved By Dissociation

You know how I mentioned my ‘erratic moods’ last week?

Well it seems it was a pre-emptive warning.

On Friday night I exploded, combining all ten moods into one.

It was a mood in which I have not found myself in for years and this time?

… I can’t even put it into words.

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